Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Important airport information...

While at the airport, try to refrain from being an asshole. A few observations from my recent flight returning from Indiana.

1. i love the speed at which i can move on a moving walkway, all city sidewalks should be moving walkways. Nothing can ruin the thrill faster than someone who is not moving. i know it's the oldest airport question with unintentional philosophical connotations, but it is called a "Moving Walkway." Does it only imply the walkway itself is moving or it is made for those that are moving? i find it hard to believe that the sole intention for these devices was to give lazy people a break from having to move themselves. So when it becomes a standing walkway, i get annoyed. While it does give the option to stand on the right side, if you decide to stand side-by-side and not let me pass, i will turn that strip into a battle royal and throw you over the side.

2. Exiting a plane. When the plane comes to a complete stop, unless you are about to miss the only connecting flight to your final destination, your wife is giving birth to your first child or someone is on their deathbed, do not attempt to get off before those in the previous rows have exited. Unless granted permission and directed to do so by the person in front of you, your friendly stewardess, or God himself, there is no need for disrupting the flow.

3. These same people that are in such a rush to get off the plane are the same ones standing directly on top of the baggage claim carousel. No it is not an accident when i grab my luggage and it lands on your foot. Back the ef up and everyone can proceed to claim their luggage without a struggle. Not sure if you are aware, but the luggage will in fact go all the way around and come back out, it does not get engulfed in flames if not picked up on the first pass.

i'm not sure if this is a picture of A) what happens if you don't push past the rows in front of you and rush to the baggage claim area or B) this is the back room of the baggage carousel where luggage piles up if not picked up on the first pass.

4. Respect those stuck sitting bitch. While every seat has two arm rests, not all arm rests are exclusive for just one seat (at least on the flights i can afford). That means if you are sitting in the middle of two a-holes or two extra large folks who spill on to your arm rests, you are stuck doing the elbows-t0-ribs dance (go ahead and touch your sides with your elbows, i like to complete this move by sticking my thumbs up and rocking side to side on the dance floor). A logical solution should be everyone gets their armrest furthest away from the aisle based on the fact that using the aisle armrest usually results in battered elbows and the window seat has a whole wall to lean on.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

i made a nickel today.

i love money. Despite the overwhelming belief that money cannot purchase happiness, i would argue that it can. At the very least, it definitely provides a very satisfactory unhappiness that i could live with. Whether you buy TVs, video games or just spend money on other things that you don't really need, there is most likely a better way to spend it (at least one that would benefit someone else).
Donating money to support causes other than my personal drinking habit actually does provide a good feeling. i definitely don't give enough to those in need or any noble cause, aside from my monthly donation to Aunt Sallie (bitch).
So, the other day, Megan was opening the mail and there was a letter from The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Not only did they send her free mailing label stickers, they sent her a nickel. i'm not sure how i feel about that.
In the letter, it says "please return your nickel along with your most generous gift to help save the lives of children" Hey now, Indian-giver. If you wanted your nickel, you shouldn't have sent it to us. i like how they send us a nickel, give us ownership over it by calling it 'your nickel' and ask for it back all in the same sentence. Not that we want your precious nickel, i mean the last time i used one was probably 3 years ago taking the toll road to Chicago.
So what are we supposed to do?
A) you keep the nickel and use the labels hoping God doesn't hold it against you for taking from a charity without giving.
B) send back just the nickel and a letter that says you can't be bribed (unfortunately, the stamp would end up costing you money).
C) send back a dime and tell them to keep the change.
D) just donate money to another cause you feel like supporting (including the nickel you were sent)
E) just send them some money and congratulate them on their ability to guilt you into donating

We still haven't decided on our course of action, but i did check them out at (a review site for charities) and they do have an overall 3 out of 4 rating. Sidenote: While i was at that site, they asked me for money. So i attempted to find a review for Charity Navigator. They do not have a review, but they did give reasons why.

But really, is spending 50,000 nickels cost effective?

Conclusion: That's only $2,500. If just 1 out of every 100 people are guilted into donating $20, that's $10,000 or a profit of $7,500. That leaves 49,500 people sitting there with a nickel writing a blog about how a charity made them feel shitty about their life and proving that maybe money can't buy happiness, but a lousy nickel can cause certain levels of distress. Not to mention, my whole life i have been spelling nickel with the L before the E, and now i have that to worry about.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

iPhone Pinky Problems

The day after i picked up my iPhone, i had an unexplained soreness on my left pinky finger. i spent much brainpower trying to identify the root of the pinky problem retracing my entire day in my head. It looked as if i had smashed it or something, but no such smashing had occurred. i just assumed i pinched it somehow and thought nothing more about it.

It wasn't until the next day when the same exact problem occurred on the other pinkie. Then as i was holding my iPhone, i realized the cause. Apparently, i was using some sort of death grip on the phone combined with not putting it down for the first 24-48 hours resulting in a callous-like formation. If you blur your eyes, you can see it in the pic.